Alastor's Naruto Shorts
by Alastor Wolfkin
Summary: This contains all of my Naruto one-shots. You can use the ideas to write your own story, but please give credit for the idea and let me know. Enjoy.
1. No PowerUps For You

**AN: This is a Naruto mini-shot, set at any time Naruto speaks with Kyuubi.**

Naruto was now less thrilled at the prospect of using the Kyuubi's power. "So, all I get are… tails and fur…"

"**What do you want from me, a BFG?**" said the fox in an annoyed, rumbling voice. "**I'm a **_**nine-tailed demon fox**_**.**"

"Don't I at least get your old sword or something cool like that?"

Kyuubi did the fox equivalent of raising an eyebrow. "**Do I **_**look**_** like a swordsman to you**?"

"How about some cool jutsu?"

"**Cause, you know, I'm a big fan of hand signs**", the fox said, waving an enormous claw.

Naruto couldn't take it anymore. "Oh come on. I can't have some kind of cool transformation, like blood-red hair and a sweet outfit? Why not a cool bloodline limit or turning into some kind of battle god?"

Kyuubi rolled his eyes. **"I don't walk around handing out magic eyeballs, being a Jinnchuriki doesn't make you a Saiyan; and how the hell am I supposed to change your **_**clothes**_**?"**

The Jinnchuriki in question was currently in denial. "But you're the biggest, baddest demon out there and all I get is fur and tails? That's just dumb! There's got to be something you're not telling me."

'_**Hook…'**_, the fox thought. Out loud: **"Well, there is **_**one**_** way… but a puny human like you couldn't handle it."**

The blond boy's azure eyes burned with determination, "Oh yeah? Try me! Bring it on, I can take it!"

'_**Line…'**_, **"Fine, like I care. All you have to do is add another line to a certain spot on the seal…"** The demon guided Naruto through the process.

"Done!" Naruto shouted triumphantly.

'_**Sinker'**_

* * *

The Kyuubi no Kitsune was standing on the Hokage Mountain of Konoha, examining his new body. _**'Blond hair is fine, but the blue eyes will have to go; too nice. Next order of business, I think someone had an idea about a sword that had a rather nice ring to it; and then a sweet new outfit. Less orange, more black and red…'**_

**AN: Wow. This seemed a lot longer in a Word Document. Meh. Anyways. I kind of feel like Kyuubi failed at being a kitsune. I've heard they're supposed to be tricksters, yet all Kyuubi tries is "Come closer... RAWR". Yeah, subtle. This is also (obviously) a jab at too many other fics. I don't really mind if Naruto gets a new outfit, new powers, or new weapons, but why anyone would think Naruto could get a _sword_ (or anything other than chakra) from a _fox_ is beyond me.**


	2. My Seal is Better than Yours

**AN: This is another Naruto one-shot, set in the Forest of Death during the Chunin Exams. The rest can be inferred.**

"You have impressed me somewhat", said Orochimaru. "I believe you have earned this 'gift' (ku ku ku)". With an evil smile, the sannin's neck lengthened, covering the distance between the snake-man and the red chakra-covered youth. Orochimaru sunk his teeth into a surprised Naruto's neck. As he withdrew, three black marks appeared on Naruto's skin as a fragment of the snake sannin's soul was injected into his body.

Enter mindscape

Naruto opened his eyes to find himself in the familiar place before the Kyuubi no Kitsune's cage. While the demon wasn't making an appearance, an incredibly effeminate snake-like man stood facing Naruto, hands behind his back with an insane grin on his face.

"What the hell are _you_ doing in here, you hebi-teme!", Naruto yelled angrily.

"Devouring your eternal soul; what else?" Orochimaru replied rhetorically in a sickly-sweet voice.

With an animalistic roar, the blonde launched himself forward, taking the sannin by surprise, and slammed his shoulder into the man's gut, hurling him in between the widespread bars of the cage behind him. Orochimaru rose quickly and began to taunt the young ninja. "This pathetic excuse for a cage can't hold me."

The boy in stab-me orange had a shit-eating grin on his face as he pointed over Orochimaru's shoulder. "But he can."

Those three words spelled **DOOM** for the despicable man in big fiery letters_._

Orochimaru turned around in time to watch two huge, red eyes appear from the darkness, followed by a grin identical to the demon's container, but with huge, sharp teeth.

"**Mmm, you know ningen, it's been _quite_ awhile since I've had a bite to eat…"** A large clawed paw shot out of the darkness and swept the now shivering Orochimaru into the dark, followed by the demon's eyes and teeth. The only sign of 'life' was the bloodcurdling screams of the snake-man; Naturally, foxes liked to play with their food when they weren't in a hurry, and Kyuubi had all the time in the world…

Exit mindscape

Orochimaru smirked as the blond Jinchuuriki blacked out from the application of the Cursed Seal of Heaven. He turned to look at the boy's teammates, who were frozen in fear. Suddenly, Naruto stood up while Orochimaru collapsed on the ground, screaming in agony as he felt the torture of his soul fragment.

Naruto grinned down at the sannin and said, "Don't fuck with a Jinchuuriki. Believe it!"

**AN: Of course, if Naruto got bit in the manga/anime, Sasuke would have somehow gotten an even bigger power-up, just so that the 'good guys' wouldn't have the advantage. At the risk of sounding racist, I think it's a Japanese thing. And, as to the writing, this was a crack-shot (puns!), so I don't feel guilty about less-than perfect grammar, punctuation, etc...**


End file.
